Greg was invited to share his story at a men’s breakfast in Houston this weekend. I am certain there are men who will hear Greg’s story and sadly identify all too well. I pray they see a glimpse of the freedom they can have if they’ll just take the risk and share their struggles! It still amazes me how badly we can mess up (I’m really struggling every day with a particularly strong willed child of ours!) and yet God still loves us and is still faithful and uses even our screw ups!
Preparing for Greg to be gone this weekend brought back a flood of emotions that I didn’t really expect. We have settled into our “new normal” and things are going really well. We have our issues like all families but everything we’ve been through doesn’t consume our lives like it did in the beginning. I don’t worry that Greg will be unfaithful again…I have seen such a major transformation in every aspect of his life that I know he is committed to following God’s path and to not go down the sexual addiction road again. He has several strong accountability partners he meets with regularly, we have an amazing small group that knows our struggles and is faithful to encourage and pray for us, as well as other great friends that are total blessings to us. Praise God for the confidence I have in Him to lead Greg and give him the desire to stay true to Him as well as to me. I’ve said it so many times but I just can’t help but give God glory for the love He has given me for Greg even after all he did. It doesn’t work out this way for everyone, I understand that. I grieve for those who don’t see loved ones freed from their bondage of any kind, as well as for those suffering with pain in general and whose prayers are not answered they way they had hoped. However, I can’t keep silent about what God is doing in our lives. I would go through the first 17 yrs. of marriage again to get what we have now. He is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think!! (Eph. 3:20)
I got off on a little rabbit trail…back to the emotions I didn’t expect. Mostly just this past week I started being flooded with everything we went through the beginning of this year. I am quite certain our enemy reminded me of some very specific things that have the potential to “knock me down.” It was like he had a list of hurts that he wanted me to start going over. I am so thankful for God’s Word. One of the most powerful verses that I take in like air is 2 Cor. 10:5, “We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” I’ve known it for years but never have I had so many “speculations” literally haunt me. His Word is living and active (Heb. 4:12) and it gets me through! Greg can encourage me, pray with me, reassure me, love me, show his faithfulness to me but only God is my constant, faithful, loving companion and He is enough. I know it in my head but it’s still a struggle to know He is enough even if everything I hold precious were taken away! Not sure I’ll really get that one this side of heaven…hey, just me being honest. So, knowing that, I choose to enjoy this weekend and keep taking the thoughts captive. I will not allow the enemy to keep me from taking this opportunity to spend time in the Word and keep growing closer to the Lord, to enjoy my kiddos, lunch with a precious friend, small group on Sunday where we are taking turns sharing our “stories”, then the best part…picking Greg up from the airport!! It was really sweet that Katie really didn’t want Greg to leave. Their relationship is so sweet now. It wasn’t awful before but they are really getting close and it’s such a gift.
God has a work to do and He’s using all of us…are we going to be obedient? A few have encouraged me that I should tell my story as well (I guess not just by posting blogs which is a lot easier!), and while it’s not the story I would have written for myself, here I am….I’ll go where He wants me to go.
Well, as always, just some ramblings in this crazy head of mine. If God can encourage you through any of it, praise Him! Those who know me well know I am not so eloquent with words. :-)